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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006907">A little terrifying and very joyful</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome/pseuds/Pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome'>Pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>CW: mentioned prior food scarcity, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, One Shot, POV Finn (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, romantic content: heavy kissing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:42:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome/pseuds/Pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the time after the Rise of Skywalker, Finn and Rey have made a home together on Tatooine. Some things, though, remain unspoken.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rey (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>May the 4th Be With You Star Wars Fanworks Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A little terrifying and very joyful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasakuryo/gifts">dasakuryo</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a morning spent helping a local family fix their main turbine for their farm, Finn is sweaty and covered in sand. All things considered, he thinks, as he disrobes, shaking the sand from his clothes, it’s not the worst feeling. Sure, he might be dirty and tired and there’s even sand in his ears, but it’s a honest sort of dirt, not from shrapnel or trenches or any part of war.</p><p>And plus, he realizes with a smile, he has his own fresher unit here on Tatooine. He can take as long as he wants to shower, breathing in the warm, scented steam and feeling the water rinse him clean. Where Rey has found delights in all the new foods they’ve been able to find, Finn’s current joy is bath products. There’s so many soaps, hair oils, and exfoliators. All of them smell amazing, light years away from the harsh chemicals he’d washed with in those dark, shadowy days where he had been locked behind a suit of plastic</p><p>Now. he’s able to enjoy the tang of citrus fruits in his hair oil and the soft blue bubbles of his soap. He relaxes for a long time in the fresher, until finally, he exits, dressing in clean robes, and heads up to the small room they take their meals in.</p><p>Rey’s already there, and lunch is already cooked. Her hair is damp, though confined to buns,  a sign that she had washed up much quicker than he had. "Food's done," she says, gesturing at the table. "I was too hungry to waste much time." Neither of them have had much experience with preparing meals, but they’ve had fun learning, albeit with some stress. Once, Rey had burnt a simple cut of meat beyond any recognition, and she’d stormed outside without a word.</p><p>Finn found her practicing her lightsaber techniques, fighting the air as if she could combat all of the pain of the past. She whirled and leapt through the air, her blade flashing, but from her face, it was clear all she could think of was that small failure.</p><p>Foinn knew the feeling. He’d broken a perfectly good bowl just the other week and had shook with fear that it was irreplaceable. that he was a clumsy idiot, that he was always going to be wrong. None of those things were true, she had promised him, sitting next to him as they glued the bowl back together. It was fixable. Everything could be fixed, with time. Even them.</p><p>This time together was good for them both, but there were still so many wounds to heal.</p><p>He gave her space but he didn’t leave her alone. Instead, Finn had sat, waiting, until Rey’s emotions calmed. Only then did she come to sit next to him, wiping her face with the edge of her sleeve. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s only…” she took a deep, staggering breath, staring down at her lightsaber.</p><p>Finn understood, as he had from the moment the food had been burnt. Carefully, he took her hand in his. “I don’t like wasting food, either, Rey.” </p><p>A childhood spent with scarcity as a constant companion made it harder for them to live in a time of plenty.</p><p>They'd both had so little, for so long, that to have this much; a home, a kitchen, enough credits to buy whatever they wanted, made them joyful and terrified in equal measures.</p><p>Today, though, Finn feels only joy as he gazes at her. There’s a smudge of flour on her cheek and far more dusting her clothes. But there’s pride in her smile and a steaming hot tray of pupusas in front of her. </p><p>During his last visit, Poe had rolled up his sleeves and announced cooking school was now in session. Both Finn and Rey took to the lessons quite well, though Finn found he preferred eating the results. </p><p>“You were busy,” Finn says, as he sits down across from her. “They smell great.” </p><p>“So do you,” Rey says, then, turns pink in the way only she can. “Like citrus.”</p><p>Finn feels his own ears burn. “Uh, thanks.”</p><p>“I mean, if that’s okay to say,” Rey adds quickly.</p><p>“It is!” </p><p>An awkward silence spreads between them. Finn sighs. This, too, is a new sort of difficult thing to master; the fact they are so close now and yet they are still… friends? Companions? What was the word for the connection they have?</p><p>Finn knows the word he’d like it to be but never can quite find the words to say so. “Want to practice meditation after lunch?” he asks, steering the conversation away from that dangerous asteroid field of a topic.</p><p>She nods. </p><p>They dig into their food. Both of them tend to eat in silence, though they’d both learned to drop their guard so they no longer possessively cover the food that they’re so used to being stolen. Instead, it’s a companionable silence, one that Finn enjoys more each day. </p><p>If he could wake up every morning to break bread with Rey and spend each day working with her, both of them learning to be Jedis, he would consider himself a very lucky man. </p><p>And if this peaceful time melted into something different, something more passionate, more like the longing-filled dreams he occasionally had, well, Finn would be ecstatic. In the middle of his pondering, he hears Rey’s soft chuckle. It’s enough to make him lift his head. “Is something wrong?”</p><p>“Not at all,” Rey responds. “It’s just…” She trails off.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I like this,” she says. “I like… watching you eat. Is that strange? I’ve never… I always kept my eyes on my own plate, you know.”</p><p>“Head down, yeah. I know the feeling.” To be caught doing anything but focusing on the task at hand meant a swift and cruel punishment from Phasma. “But I… I like this too. Being here, with you.”</p><p>“It’s hard to think that it could end at any moment.”</p><p>“Rey,” Finn whispers her name, his own heart aching at her tone. “Don’t say that.”</p><p>“It could, though. What’s keeping the galaxy from falling into war again? What if we’re not strong enough Jedi to stop… to stop whatever’s next?”</p><p>“Then we’ll train more.” Finn’s courage now, more than ever, is like a compass, guiding him forward. “We’ll fight back, just like we always have. And we’ll win.”</p><p>“You really think so?”</p><p>He reaches out across the table, taking her hand again. She has as many calluses as his, the marks of a short life lived hard, and even more scars. But to him, her hand feels perfect in his. As if they were made to fit together. “I know so. We are stronger together. We’ve learned that.”</p><p>She nods.</p><p>Finn hesitates. Is this the moment, then, he wonders. Is this the time to speak of all he’s kept hidden? Or would speaking it ruin this joy they have found. “And Rey?” Her name has never tasted sweeter to him. “I never want to be apart from you.”</p><p>“Oh?” Her eyes grow wide. “Of course. We’re united, Finn. We have to train, to master the Force, to--”</p><p>“To maybe be more than that?” he asks, his voice now going gentle, as shy as a bantha calf. “To maybe… well… I mean. We live together now, and it’s just that…” they slept in separate rooms, in separate beds. They trained together and cooked together, but they were still so far apart in other ways.”I was wondering if you’d ever thought of…”</p><p>He’s making a mess of this, he realizes, even as he keeps stammering. “Sometimes, I think of you and I’d like to think you think of me too.”</p><p>Rey laughs, but it is soft and sweet, more like rain and less like thunder. Without letting go of his hand, she moves around the table, so she is facing him. Her free hand cups his face, stroking down his cheek.</p><p>Finn leans into the touch. He’s pretty sure he whispers her name, too. The moment feels too dangerous, too full of potential, to even be real. If it wasn’t for the half-eaten food in front of him, he’d be sure he was dreaming.</p><p>This moment, more than any before, is both joyful and terrifying. “Finn,” she says, a smile playing at her lips. “I think I know exactly what you mean.”</p><p>“You do?” </p><p>“Mhmm.” She nods, just once. A lock of her hair has escaped her buns. She’s taken to wearing them in a style taught to her by General Organa, which he finds lovely on her. THen again, she was just as lovely that day the two of them had taken a mission on Felucia and fallen into a pit of mud.</p><p>“Really?” he asks once more.</p><p>“Yes. Though, I am… I’m not much good at talking about things either.” Rey bites her lips, that tiny reveal of her nerves that she is otherwise so good at hiding. This time together has let them learn each other’s tiny tells, all of the small details they’d never had the luxury of noticing during war. “May I show you?”</p><p>Finn nods. </p><p>Rey smiles. Her hand slides a little lower, so it curls around the back of his neck, tilting his face up as if she is the sun and he is a freshly bloomed flower. Then, she kisses him. </p><p>The entire galaxy bursts into brilliant fireworks in Finn’s mind. Nothing has ever felt like this before. It’s wild and bright and brilliant as if all of the impossible momentum of hyperspace is condensed into one moment. </p><p>Her lips are soft against his as the kiss deepens. Finn finds every longing he had matched in Rey’s own desires, as the two of them melt into the embrace. His other arm gently encircles her waist, guiding her closer so that eventually, she is sitting on his lap and he is holding her tightly. Through it all, the kiss has not ceased, nor have they let go of their clasped hands.</p><p>They belong to each other. He’s more certain of that now than ever. </p><p>Finally, they break apart for air, both of them gasping. “Rey,” he says, then again, and again. “I promise you. We will always be together. I won’t let go.”</p><p>“Neither will I,” she smiles, though there is the smallest hint of tears in her eyes. “Finn… I pushed you away, once before. I didn’t mean to. I just… I was afraid. I was afraid of so much and I…” Turning away, she mutters, “I was a fool.”</p><p>“I forgive you,” he replies. “We are so much stronger together. Aren’t we?”</p><p>She nods. </p><p>“May I kiss you again?” he asks, suddenly shy, despite the fact she remains so close to him he can hear her heartbeat.</p><p>She nods again, the smile once more appearing on her face.</p><p>Finn does. This kiss has no shyness, no fear, only joy. His fingers tangle in her hair, pulling out the twisted buns, so that the locks tumble down, curtaining them both. It's something he's always wished he could do, to see her like this, so at ease, so in-the-moment. There's been tiny flashes of that before, he knows, but it's usually when they're sparring. This kissing, though, this is the opposite of battle. It's energy-giving, warm and comfortable. There's no need to win, nothing to prove. There's only all the love that has banked up between them, now finally allowed to burn.  Her own hand slides over his shirt until it rests above his heart. </p><p>Against his lips, she grins. “Why Finn,” she teases, “does this mean you think of me when you take those long showers in the fresher?”</p><p>“Perhaps,” he teases back, his own grin appearing as he realizes this is true, this is real. Unlike any moment before where this has occurred, this is real. He's not dreaming. “I do have some excellent new soaps, if you’d like to maybe… sample them together sometime?”</p><p>“Mmm?” she presses a kiss against his neck. “That does sound rather… nice.”</p><p>“You’re nice,” he replies, as his whole face has begun to burn. Did he just say that? So much for any attempts at being smooth. </p><p>“So are you.” Rey kisses his forehead next. “So, it’s settled then. We’re together?”</p><p>“Yes.” He answers before she even finishes the sentence. “Always.”</p><p>It was one word, both terrifying and joyful, and yet, it was the beginning of everything for them.</p>
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